How to cope with losing a pet: from the last decision to grief, step by step

Your pet is old or ill, or has just died. Or the end came fast and you are still in shock. Whatever stage you are at, this page is for you.

It puts the whole journey in order. First, how to know it is time. Then what the day is like and what to do after. Last, how to care for yourself and your family. Each step links to our detailed guide on that step. Dogs and cats are kept apart where the advice differs.

This page gives general information. It is not medical or mental health advice. Your vet knows your pet. A doctor or counsellor can help with your grief.

Your grief is real

Many people feel they should not grieve this much for an animal. The sources say the opposite.

The AVMA says your grief is normal. It says well-meaning people may tell you that you should not grieve so much, because “it’s just a dog” or “just a cat”. It says the bond you shared needs to be mourned. It also says that grief can not be ranked, so you do not need to compare yours with anyone else’s.

Research agrees. In 2026, Philip Hyland published a study in PLOS ONE. It used a UK sample of 975 adults. About one in three (32.6%) had lost a pet. Of those, 21.0% said the death of their pet was the most distressing loss they had known. Among people who lost a pet, 7.5% met the ICD-11 criteria for prolonged grief disorder. The study found that the symptoms were the same, whether the person who died was a human or a pet. It is one survey. But it shows that strong, lasting grief after a pet dies is not unusual and not a weakness.

Before the day: how to know it is time

There is rarely one clear moment. Most pets decline slowly. A bad week can be followed by a better one.

The AVMA gives three questions. Does your pet still enjoy the things it once loved? Can it still respond to you in its usual ways? Does it seem to have more pain than pleasure? It adds one simple question: “Does my pet have more bad days than good days?”

Your vet cannot make the choice for you. But your vet can examine your pet, say what the chances are, and explain what may come. Ask every question you need to ask. The AVMA says you usually have some time to talk with family before you decide, though sometimes a decision is needed at once.

The AAHA says that palliative and hospice care should be part of the information that vets give to families of senior pets. Ask your vet what comfort care they can offer, and for how long.

If your pet is a dog

Dogs often decline slowly. The Ohio State University Honoring the Bond program says a friend who sees your dog less often may notice the trend more clearly than you do. It suggests three tools: a list of three to five favourite things, a calendar of good and bad days, and a quality of life scale filled in at fixed times. Our guide has all three: how to know when to put your dog down.

If your pet is a cat

Cats hide pain, so a cat can be very sick before you notice. Compare today with last month, not with yesterday. Lap of Love publishes a free scale with four groups of questions and three score bands. The bands are a guide. They are not a rule, and your vet helps you read them. Our guide explains the signs, the scale and the questions to ask: how to know when to put your cat down.

Plan the aftercare now

This may seem strange. But the AVMA says that planning what will happen to your pet’s body ahead of time brings comfort, and that you will not have to decide while you grieve. Choose a vet or service. Choose cremation or burial. Write down the phone number of a 24-hour clinic.

The day: euthanasia

Many owners fear what they will see. Knowing it helps.

The AVMA says euthanasia is most often an injection of a drug. The vet may give a sedative first, to relax your pet. After the drug is given, your pet becomes deeply and irreversibly unconscious, because the drug stops brain function. The AVMA says that death is quick and painless. It says your pet may move its legs or head, or breathe deeply several times, but that these are reflexes. They do not mean your pet is in pain.

Our guide to cats lists more of what you may see: cat euthanasia: what to expect. The same steps apply to dogs.

Should you stay? It is your choice. The AVMA says some owners stay, and others say goodbye beforehand. It says to do what feels right to you. It also says some people find time with their pet after euthanasia helpful.

What to ask your vet first:

1. Can it be done at home, or at a quiet time at the clinic?
2. Will you give a sedative first?
3. Can I stay? Can other family members stay?
4. How long can we have with our pet after?
5. What aftercare do you offer, and what does it cost?
6. Can I pay before the day?

What it costs

Prices vary a lot. A 2025 survey for CareCredit, which sells a vet credit card, found these costs for dogs in the US:

Cats may cost less in some clinics, but we did not find a US price survey for cats. Ask your clinic for a written quote with each line. Our guide lists what changes the price and the questions to ask: how much it costs to put a dog down. If money is a worry, read how to pay for vet bills.

If your pet dies at home

If death comes at night or without warning, you do not need to do everything at once. The ASPCA says a well-cooled body can be kept at home for up to 24 hours.

1. Take a few minutes. Sit with your pet. If you are alone, call someone.
2. Check for the signs. There is no breathing and no heartbeat. If you are not sure, call your vet or an emergency clinic.
3. Lay your pet on a towel or blanket in a cool place, with an absorbent pad under the body.
4. Call your vet, a 24-hour clinic or an aftercare service when you are ready. Many people wait until morning.

Our guide has the full steps, including how to keep a large body cool: what to do when your dog dies at home.

Aftercare: cremation, burial and ashes

The ASPCA says it is very common to choose cremation. With private cremation, your pet is cremated alone, and the ashes usually come back. With communal cremation, you do not get ashes, and it costs less. Home burial may be legal on your own land, depending on local law, but it is usually illegal on public land such as parks. Lap of Love says that after euthanasia drugs, the body can be dangerous to other animals, so a deep grave matters.

Read pet cremation vs burial for a side-by-side table, home burial rules and the questions to ask a provider.

You do not have to decide what to do with ashes now. What to do with your dog’s ashes lists 8 options, from keeping them at home to planting a tree.

The first days and weeks

Let the grief come. The AVMA says moving toward the pain, instead of pushing it away, may lead to a healthier grief journey. Humane World for Animals says suppressing your sadness can prolong grief. It says the grief process is not linear, and that a wave of grief can come back after you have started to feel better.

There are no required stages. The AVMA says your journey will not follow a prescribed pattern or series of stages. Humane World lists feelings many people have, such as denial, bargaining, anger, guilt and sadness. You may have none of them, some of them, or all in one day.

Do not replay the last moments. Humane World says it is common to go over your pet’s final days. It advises you to focus on the life you shared. It adds: your pet’s pain has passed, and you are the one in pain now.

Look after yourself. Eat. Drink water. Sleep when you can. The AVMA says the silence at home can feel painfully loud. Knowing this ahead can help you prepare.

Keep the bond through memories. The AVMA suggests you look at old photos, write a tribute or write your pet a letter. Humane World suggests a memory box, a tree or shrub planted in memory, a place for the ashes and photos, or writing an obituary.

Talk to people who listen. The AVMA says you never “get over” grief, and that talking with other pet owners who have lost a pet can help. Humane World lists support options. They include the Pet Compassion Careline (24/7 grief support with trained counsellors), Lap of Love grief courses and one-to-one sessions, and the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement support groups.

When to ask for more help. The ASPCA says that if severe grief lasts, you should talk to your doctor. Do so if you cannot eat or sleep, cannot work, or have thoughts of harming yourself. If you are in crisis, contact your local emergency number or crisis line.

Children

The AVMA says children should not be left out of the decision. It says that keeping them out may only complicate and prolong their grief, and that children respect straightforward, truthful and simple answers.

Humane World says that telling a child a pet “ran away” can leave them expecting the pet to return, and feeling betrayed when they find out. If the death is expected, let children say goodbye. Children may blame themselves or the vet. Showing your own sadness tells them that sadness is OK. Drawing pictures, writing to the pet or sharing happy memories can help.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says to be honest with children when a pet dies, and that they may want to bury the pet or hold a ceremony.

Your other pets

Humane World says surviving pets may whimper, refuse to eat or drink, or seem depressed, most of all if they were close to the pet who died. Even without a close bond, they may be upset by the loss and by your own mood.

Give them extra attention and keep a normal routine. If the signs go on, take your pet to your vet to rule out a medical cause. For cats, watch for changes in eating or hiding in the weeks after.

Getting another pet

There is no right time. Humane World says that rushing is not fair to you or to a new pet. A new animal has its own personality and cannot replace the one you lost. A new pet also needs a period of adjustment, which is hard while you and your other pets are still grieving. It says you will know when the time is right after you have given yourself time to grieve.

Keep it all in one place

Some people find it hard to think on the day. A plan on paper helps. The Dog End-of-Life and Memory Book is a fillable PDF with a good and hard days calendar, a weekly check for each adult, questions for the vet, pages to plan aftercare before the day, and a memory book. The Cat End-of-Life and Memory Book does the same for cats. Neither tells you when to say goodbye. They help you see the pattern and keep the facts in one place.

Before a vet visit, our free vet summary puts your pet’s food, medicines and notes on one page.

Every guide in this series, in order

1. How to know when to put your dog down: quality of life signs, and a good and bad day calendar.
2. How to know when to put your cat down: signs, a scored scale and what to ask.
3. Cat euthanasia: what to expect: step by step.
4. How much it costs to put a dog down: clinic and home visit.
5. What to do when your dog dies at home: tonight and in the morning.
6. Pet cremation vs burial: how to choose, with costs and rules.
7. What to do with your dog’s ashes: 8 options.

If your older dog is not yet at this point, our guide on how to care for a senior dog covers the years before.